The Pursuit of Happiness

Ask me what I want to be in life, and the answer you will invariably get back is, "To be happy!". It is my standard response, and the answer I believe to be the most accurate and truthful I can give, but I am now beginning to wonder if it is truly attainable, and if so, at what cost?

It is natural in life that we all want things, whether it be a nice house or a good job; to travel the world or settle down with a family. None of these things are wrong or bad, but what I am realising is that not all of the things I want in life are compatible with each other. It seems that with each dream comes a responsibility or worse still, consequences that will impact on other targets you have set in life. As a result, sometimes we just have to accept that we just can't have it all.

As things go, I think I am a pretty straight forward, simple and easy person to please, but as I sat down and thought about some of things I wanted in life, I realised that they were not always compatible with each other. For example, how does my love to travel marry to the fact that I have always wanted to have children and a family? For clarification, travel to me is not defined as a two week holiday lying on a beach somewhere. It requires a backpack, and sometimes taking the off beaten tracks; going where few people go and getting at the heart of the community and culture of a place. It requires immersion in the local community and culture and as such takes time. Such excursions are not suitable for young children. In the pursuit of my happiness do I just leave and do it? Or do I consider the happiness of others; a son who will miss his father, a wife who will miss her husband, a mother who will miss her son?

There are many other contradictory dreams that I have. I even have some dreams that are not contradictory but I do not pursue just because I know the impact that they will have on others. This realisation has forced me to rethink the concept of happiness and the pursuit of it.

Happiness is not hedonism.

Ones pleasures in life will almost always come at the cost of someone else. The promotion at work, the courtside tickets, the lottery win, even right down to the woman/man that you love, will come at the cost of someone elses ambitions, hopes, dreams or desires. With this in mind, the concept of happiness originating from what I personally gain slowly drops away, and the more I find happiness in what others gain.

That does not mean I stop wanting or dreaming for things, but it does mean that when I get the things that I truly want, I understand that the true value of them is not simply measured by what I have gained, it also measured by what others have lost.