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I am real excited by this. Ok so it isn't the Shell Photographer of the Year Award, or the Tate or something of that level, but it is a start. And I would like to thank the other half for submitting the entry for me, hence why it is under her name.
If anyone wants prints please feel free to let me know, and I am sure we can come to an amicable understanding. ;-)
I have been studying for my greek exam and its doing my head in. Its not that I don't enjoy it, its simply that I don't get it. It has me so frustrated that my hair is turning grey at an increasing pace. Still, thats life I guess.
Well... Some of you wanted Pimpology 101 Pt.II so here it is...
Pimpology 101 cont.
As well as not having a weak disposition, a pimp must have a strong will and unwavering self belief, because just as only a fool has no fear, only the truly dumb believe that nuni cannot whip. Nuni is a potent weapon when used correctly, but not all nuni is of the same potency. A chick that can ride like she is Frankie Dettori going up the home straight of the Grand National is a danger to any pimp, as it is the jockey with the whip and the bridle. However, it is pimps that are the stallions, and although for the most part patience is a very much exercised virtue, every now and then a pimp must buck to let chicks know that the idea that they are on top and in control is all an illusion. When a chick tries to break a pimp, he must always stand firm in his belief that although punani is power, it is the dick that rules. Also to be wary of are chicks with more carpet burns on their knees than a nun, for they add a whole new dimension to the term ‘brain washing’. Many a pimp has been lost along the way due to such underhanded techniques as this. Its power of persuasion is not to be taken lightly.
A common misconception is that one needs to have a lot of money to become a pimp. This, however could not be further from the truth. The essentials for a pimp are gift of the gab, confidence, 10 inches and the ability to rock the body till the early light. This does not by any means indicate that should you win the lottery you turn it down, because it is undeniable that money does make starting your own business, easier; Money, no matter how much you have will never make up for game that’s tight. A rich pimp who’s game is weak, is going to lose his chick to a pimp who’s game is tight, and end up being pimped when all his loot is taken and given to the poorer pimp.
As we can see a flash car is helpful to a pimp, but it is not an essential piece of equipment to a pimp. In truth, there are only two material things that are essential to a pimp and they are every day items in today’s society. The first is a mobile phone, for it is impossible to stay in control of your chicks unless you are available 24/7/365. This is where pay as you go comes in useful; SIM cards are cheap, and on top of that, its your chicks that buy you the credit, thus lowering your over heads. An added benefit to mobile phones is that you can attribute distinctive rings to your phone so that you need never glance away from the TV screen when playing FIFA 2004 to check whether you want to take the call or not. The other option is to let the chick you are with answer the phone, but this could present problems depending on whether she is fully trained or not ie a fully trained chick will not search your phone, a poorly trained chick will delete other chicks numbers from your phone. However, all pimps must remember to always make use of one function of their phone – KEY LOCK. Many a pimp has lost either a chick or an interviewee simply by being on his secondary phone, and not having his primary on key lock. The second essential item is condoms. Gangstas carry guns, pimps carry protection. Gangstas carry Uzi’s, but a pimp carries a Magnum. Trojan Magnum that is. In the society we live in today the diseases that are running rampant can easily force a pimp into early retirement on the grounds of ill health. Add to this the chances of him spreading his diseases around and depleting the number of chicks available for pimpage, and the conclusion is unanimous – GET THE STRAP OR GET THE CLAP.
Anonymity. Failing to keep their identity and details about their life secret has brought about the premature retirement of many a pimp. It is taken as S.C.O.P that details such as your home phone number and address are NEVER given out for any reason. Broken windows are expensive to replace! However, by minimising the details that you give your chicks, you are effectively decreasing the chances of you getting discovered as they do not have enough information to cross reference with each other and thus establish your identity should they ever happen to bump into each other or be friends/cousins/acquaintances. The flamboyant image of bright colours, a chromed out caddy and tiger skin seat covers, are all stereotypical images of pimps portrayed by the movies. If you seek to buy into this idea of what a pimp is about your identity will be about as secret as James Bond’s – the secret agent who’s identity everyone knows. It should also be added that you should not attempt to copy the image of Dolemite. That is akin to hanging a neon sign over your head and screaming ‘I’m a pimp… I’m a pimp’. Not to mention half of his activities would land you in jail, leaving you to get butt raped and call some big black dude called Tyrone your ‘Pimp Daddy’.
To further minimise your chances of being exposed, we also recommend that your chicks should meet as few of your friends as possible. A careless word could soon find you with a red hand print across your face. (At this point we advise you to caution the offending chick that she must never ever raise her hand to you again, and should your warning should go unheeded you will not be responsible for your actions.) Or worse still, she may even vandalise your car, expose your actions to her friends, or kick you in the seed. Of these last three the exposure to her friends could potentially be the most damaging, or the least. This is all dependent on whether you are hitting her friends already or not.
But above all, never, and for the sake of importance it must be said again, NEVER take a chick home to meet the parents unless you are retiring from the game. Should your mother inadvertently call her by the wrong name, your best laid plans could come unravelled when you leave and she asks, ‘So, who is (insert a chicks name here)?’. Beware! This is a trick question and any resulting answer will lead to an argument of such proportions that disciplining your chick will be a necessity. Should you answer, this questions stating that ‘Shaynee’ is the name of your ex girlfriend, you will instantly be hit with a statement to the effect of why is your mother calling her by your ex’s name. If you answer the question telling her that it is the name of one of your pleasure chicks, then you will be confronted with having to explain to her why your family don’t know enough about her to get her name correct? The safe answer would be to simply say that Shaynee is a family member right? Wrong! Having been to a family event once, this chick will want to come again and again; and at every family event she will be on the look out for your ‘cousin’, Shaynee. After about two years (assuming she is around for that long!) be prepared for the question, ‘So why haven’t I met your cousin Shaynee yet?’. Women are like elephants. Some are built like one, but they all have a memory like one.
Coming Soon Pimpology 101 Pt. III
As well as not having a weak disposition, a pimp must have a strong will and unwavering self belief, because just as only a fool has no fear, only the truly dumb believe that nuni cannot whip. Nuni is a potent weapon when used correctly, but not all nuni is of the same potency. A chick that can ride like she is Frankie Dettori going up the home straight of the Grand National is a danger to any pimp, as it is the jockey with the whip and the bridle. However, it is pimps that are the stallions, and although for the most part patience is a very much exercised virtue, every now and then a pimp must buck to let chicks know that the idea that they are on top and in control is all an illusion. When a chick tries to break a pimp, he must always stand firm in his belief that although punani is power, it is the dick that rules. Also to be wary of are chicks with more carpet burns on their knees than a nun, for they add a whole new dimension to the term ‘brain washing’. Many a pimp has been lost along the way due to such underhanded techniques as this. Its power of persuasion is not to be taken lightly.
A common misconception is that one needs to have a lot of money to become a pimp. This, however could not be further from the truth. The essentials for a pimp are gift of the gab, confidence, 10 inches and the ability to rock the body till the early light. This does not by any means indicate that should you win the lottery you turn it down, because it is undeniable that money does make starting your own business, easier; Money, no matter how much you have will never make up for game that’s tight. A rich pimp who’s game is weak, is going to lose his chick to a pimp who’s game is tight, and end up being pimped when all his loot is taken and given to the poorer pimp.
As we can see a flash car is helpful to a pimp, but it is not an essential piece of equipment to a pimp. In truth, there are only two material things that are essential to a pimp and they are every day items in today’s society. The first is a mobile phone, for it is impossible to stay in control of your chicks unless you are available 24/7/365. This is where pay as you go comes in useful; SIM cards are cheap, and on top of that, its your chicks that buy you the credit, thus lowering your over heads. An added benefit to mobile phones is that you can attribute distinctive rings to your phone so that you need never glance away from the TV screen when playing FIFA 2004 to check whether you want to take the call or not. The other option is to let the chick you are with answer the phone, but this could present problems depending on whether she is fully trained or not ie a fully trained chick will not search your phone, a poorly trained chick will delete other chicks numbers from your phone. However, all pimps must remember to always make use of one function of their phone – KEY LOCK. Many a pimp has lost either a chick or an interviewee simply by being on his secondary phone, and not having his primary on key lock. The second essential item is condoms. Gangstas carry guns, pimps carry protection. Gangstas carry Uzi’s, but a pimp carries a Magnum. Trojan Magnum that is. In the society we live in today the diseases that are running rampant can easily force a pimp into early retirement on the grounds of ill health. Add to this the chances of him spreading his diseases around and depleting the number of chicks available for pimpage, and the conclusion is unanimous – GET THE STRAP OR GET THE CLAP.
Anonymity. Failing to keep their identity and details about their life secret has brought about the premature retirement of many a pimp. It is taken as S.C.O.P that details such as your home phone number and address are NEVER given out for any reason. Broken windows are expensive to replace! However, by minimising the details that you give your chicks, you are effectively decreasing the chances of you getting discovered as they do not have enough information to cross reference with each other and thus establish your identity should they ever happen to bump into each other or be friends/cousins/acquaintances. The flamboyant image of bright colours, a chromed out caddy and tiger skin seat covers, are all stereotypical images of pimps portrayed by the movies. If you seek to buy into this idea of what a pimp is about your identity will be about as secret as James Bond’s – the secret agent who’s identity everyone knows. It should also be added that you should not attempt to copy the image of Dolemite. That is akin to hanging a neon sign over your head and screaming ‘I’m a pimp… I’m a pimp’. Not to mention half of his activities would land you in jail, leaving you to get butt raped and call some big black dude called Tyrone your ‘Pimp Daddy’.
To further minimise your chances of being exposed, we also recommend that your chicks should meet as few of your friends as possible. A careless word could soon find you with a red hand print across your face. (At this point we advise you to caution the offending chick that she must never ever raise her hand to you again, and should your warning should go unheeded you will not be responsible for your actions.) Or worse still, she may even vandalise your car, expose your actions to her friends, or kick you in the seed. Of these last three the exposure to her friends could potentially be the most damaging, or the least. This is all dependent on whether you are hitting her friends already or not.
But above all, never, and for the sake of importance it must be said again, NEVER take a chick home to meet the parents unless you are retiring from the game. Should your mother inadvertently call her by the wrong name, your best laid plans could come unravelled when you leave and she asks, ‘So, who is (insert a chicks name here)?’. Beware! This is a trick question and any resulting answer will lead to an argument of such proportions that disciplining your chick will be a necessity. Should you answer, this questions stating that ‘Shaynee’ is the name of your ex girlfriend, you will instantly be hit with a statement to the effect of why is your mother calling her by your ex’s name. If you answer the question telling her that it is the name of one of your pleasure chicks, then you will be confronted with having to explain to her why your family don’t know enough about her to get her name correct? The safe answer would be to simply say that Shaynee is a family member right? Wrong! Having been to a family event once, this chick will want to come again and again; and at every family event she will be on the look out for your ‘cousin’, Shaynee. After about two years (assuming she is around for that long!) be prepared for the question, ‘So why haven’t I met your cousin Shaynee yet?’. Women are like elephants. Some are built like one, but they all have a memory like one.
Coming Soon Pimpology 101 Pt. III
1 comment:
I am so proud of you! You are such a great photgrapher. This is just the start!
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