What is love?

Your heart beat quickens, and deep inside you the butterflies swarm and begin to tickle. Maybe your palms get sweaty, and you get nervous and can't speak properly. Perhaps you even become sexually aroused... But do these reactions equate to love?

I remember feeling that way many years ago about someone. But did I love her?

1 Corinthians 10 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.".

Looking back at the time that we spent together, I have realised that the time we spent together although some of the happiest times of my life, also some of the most destructive. See, this person knew how to push my buttons, and would at times enjoy doing so. I remember she would get me so mad, I would just have to lash out at something, and by the grace of God it was never her. But love is not easily angered nor does it remember wrongs according to 1Corinthians... So did I ever really love her?

I think I did. But that doesn't mean that she was the right person for me, far from it. In truth she brought out many of the darker sides of my character, and at times made me feel bitter and angry. It might sound bad, but she was a lesson that I had to learn... and a very hard one at that. See, at that time of my life, I had to learn what true love really is, and how to express it.

Love is not about the emotions we feel, but the choices that we make.

Love is learning to forgive even when we don't want to. Love is about staying calm and not allowing hurtful things to leave your mouth in anger. Love is taking time to explain things for the umpteenth time. Love is choosing to put that persons interests ahead of your own.

I'm married now. And I thank God it is to someone who brings out many of my better qualities. Someone who is able to put my needs, wants and interests before her own, and someone with whom I seek to do the same. Someone whom I do not speak in anger to, someone whom I fight against my self nature to be patient with. Someone who has yet to give me cause to need to forgive her!

I guess what I am saying is that I love you Mrs C, and I thank you for all that you have done, and continue to do for me.

Thank you for being the right person for me.

Lawd Have Mercy...

Lawd have mercy... that was some good fish!

I have been looking forward to that salmon since I cleaned it, scaled it, seasoned and marinated it yesterday... And boy did it not disappoint!

Fresh salmon, seasoned with fresh garlic, fresh corriander, freshly chopped ginger, rock salt, freshly ground mixed pepper, and all left over night to marinate in freshly squeezed lime juice and honey. If you could have just smelt it... It was good enough to make a woman smuggle peanuts!

So... imagine now, its lightly pan fried so the fish is tender, but firm enough to stick your fork in... Then for a side dish, sauted potatoes and steamed greens.... Its making me hungry again.

Still, my day has not just been about food, no matter how much I have been thinking about my fish all day. Its more to life than just food.

There's sex!

Did you know it was National Orgasm day yesterday???

I mean seriously, National Orgasm day? Whats next? National Erectile Dysfunction Week?

I remember when National Days were meant to mean something. Remembrance Day. Mothers Day and Fathers Day before they became commercial tools by card companies to sell millions of pounds worth of cards; but now its become a joke.

I am going to campaign for a new national day. National No National Day Day! Lets see how they like that one!

Ahh, now that that is off of my chest... what else is there I want to exhale about...

Right. Doctors.

Have you ever been to the Doctor, and you know something is wrong with you, and they turn around and tell you, that thats how its meant to be? "Excuse me Doctor, my foot is facing backwards, and its turning black!", and the response you are faced with is a condescending smile and a "Oh yes, thats the way its supposed to be!". I feel like cracking the fools in their jaw, and blackening their eye and telling them, "Oh yes... thats how its supposed to be!", but I can't.

Apparently its not the Christian thing to do.

So I smile, nod, say thank you and tell them 'Jesus loves you', whilst thinking in my head, 'But I don't you stupid anus. Let me catch you in a dark ally and I am gonna kick your @$$ so hard my foot is gonna face back the right way!". Ok so perhaps that isn't a Christian thing to do either. I accept that, and am struggling with the anger management issues... But each day that I haven't gone postal, is a day that you should count your blessings, and if you are an atheist, should then know that there is a God.

After all... you are still breathing aren't you.