"Love yourself first..."

I am sick and tired of this being bandied about in connection to relationships. I am also sick of hearing that relationships are all about 'me'.

It is precisely these attitudes that lead to the break down of marriages and relationships, and until the focus shifts away from our own selfish desires, people are destined to have yet more and more heartache.

Now don't get it twisted. I am not advocating a relationship in which you are not aware of your worth and so allow a partner or spouse to treat you anyway they feel. That is not healthy nor productive. What I am promoting is relationships in which both parties consider the other person's needs and then desires before their own. In doing so it is possible to reach a compromise that does not leave one party feeling as though what they want from life and from the relationship is of no consequence. By constantly saying and viewing the other parties needs as paramount it builds the self confidence and self worth of the other person up as they constantly feel loved and valued, and in a relationship where both parties adopt a similar approach it leads to a relationship that is full of growth.

The belief that relationships are about 'me' leads to a person entering a relationship questioning "What can I get out of this relationship?" as opposed to a much healthier question of "What can I give to this relationship?". Relationships should not just be about feelings, but they should be about growth; both as individuals and as a couple. However in order to do so, at times hard questions need to be asked. The first one being "Is this person right for me?" followed swiftly by "Am I right for this person?". By as much as humanly possible removing emotions from the equation and looking pragmatically and analytically at characteristics it lessens the chance of heartbreak further down the line. A relationship should be based on more than emotions, it should be based on commitment. How often do you hear the line "I just don't love you any more.", or "We just fell out of love" as the reasons behind the breakdown of a relationship? It is because often, albeit not always, these relationships were built on nothing more than intimate feelings. The problem is that when these feelings had been worn away by working pressures, the passage of time and the inevitable knowledge of knowing what the other person was going to say and do before they did it, people are too often left with the harsh reality that they have nothing in common. In fact they are often polar opposites slowly drifting further and further apart.

There are those that might look at the approach of saying that love is not enough to base a relationship on and say "It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."; and although there is a strong argument for such sentiments, if you truly love someone, would you knowingly cause them pain to give yourself temporary pleasure?

Loving yourself is not about saying "I am the MOST important person", it is about saying "I AM important", but so often people tend to miss the subtle yet critical difference between these two statements. Loving yourself if about understanding your worth as an individual, but within the context of a relationship it should not have much standing if you have asked the hard questions before entering even the relationship.

Why?

Because you will not need to tell yourself constantly that you are loved and valued, you will not need to reassure yourself that you are important and that the relationship is all about you.

You will feel it.

The Rules...

(Sadly I cannot take credit for this....)

1.MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS..

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE..REALLY

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR
MOTOR SPORTS

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

I can't stand her...

If you wanted to help sufferers of a potentially fatal disease, what would you do?

If you wanted to highlight the plight and suffering of these people, what would you do?

Would you give money to charity? Would you do publicity work for charity? Or would you, like Jade Goody, ask to be paid a hefty sum of money in order that you could get rich, and your criminal chav husband could live in comfort?

Now I don't like Jade Goody. I think she is at best a good example of how you don't want your daughter to turn out, at worst... Well, I don't use the type of language that would be necessary to describe her. However, this does not mean that I cannot sympathize with her and what she is going to. Her plight is not one that I would wish on anybody. But, I cannot abide the fact that she is using this as publicity to make another quick buck under the guise of doing this to help people. I would have a lot more respect for her if she just came out and admitted that she was simply trying to ensure that after her death, her children would be made for the rest of their lives.

Pulling punches

Ever had the feeling of just wanting to punch someone in their jaw?

No, I don't mean an unprovoked attack on some poor unsuspecting stranger, but rather on somebody that has and is not being particularly nice to you. I must confess that I have been dealing with these urges for a few weeks, and with each passing the day the compulsion to do it just gets stronger and stronger and with all the CSI episodes I have watched I could quite probably commit the perfect murder.

Many people say its a good thing that as I have gotten older I have learned to control my anger as it means that the person causing the offense gets away without serious harm to their person, but I truly believe it is a double edged sword. It seems the more passive I become, the more people try to take liberties with me... they seem to feel that I am an easy target.

Well people, enough is enough.

I may not punch your lights out like I once would have done in my younger incarnations, but I shall simply adopt the principle that if the pen is truly mightier than the sword, then the truth must also be similar for spoken words.

Be warned people... The new, but old and revised TCS is back...

And I am not pulling any punches!

Internet Threats...

It is really funny how people get worked up over things, especially things that they cannot do anything to change.

This week I posted a clip on Facebook that showed a portion of a pillow fight at an event that I attended, and somehow my opponent (or should that be victim?) saw it, and threatened to have someone beat me up if I did not take it down.

The first mistake in this whole thing is to threaten me. I don't do threats... And nor do I respond well to them. The second mistake was to think that I really was going to take these threats seriously... It is not like this person knows where I live. And just supposing that they did, would I still care?

People get so worked up over things that happen on the internet. An insult on the web from some faceless, probably socially deficient stranger causes people to fly into uncontrollable fits of rage, and leads some to make empty threats such as the one made against me. Do they not understand that all it does is cause the person who provoked them to simply stoke the fire more?

One of these days, perhaps people will learn that internet rage is even more pointless than road rage. At least when you honk you horn at who ever upsets you they can actually hear it.

Repent! The End is Nigh!!!

Since I was little I have heard people prophesy that the end of the world is soon coming, and I need to get my life in order. Needless to say for many years I laughed at them, and opted to do my own thing, after all, people have been preaching the end of the world for centuries and yet here I am sitting at my laptop typing this blog, very much alive and kicking.

However, recently watching events in the news, the wars and rumors of wars, the pestilence, the greed and s an ounce of truth in what they were saying. Was it actually possible that these doomsayers were actually correct? And as I began to question and observe, I began to lean towards the possibility that maybe I had it all wrong... Maybe I should have paid more attention in church. Still, with all these signs of the times, I was yet to be completely convinced that the world was coming to an end anytime soon.

But that all changed today.

Today I received a definitive sign that this world was coming to an end. I witnessed the sign that was the real sign of the times.

MY MOM JOINED FACEBOOK!

Democracy! When?

I was sitting in a Religion and Ethics class this week, when after voicing an opinion on the subject matter we were discussing, I was accused of trying to force my 'small minded opinion on others', and told that this was a democracy, so I can't do that.

You know what the funny thing was? The young lady that made this accusation could have been no more that 18 years old, and was from the good old US of A, a country that is known for its democracy and free thinking.

I didn't lay into this girl as I wanted to, but just decided to let it pass... but I was irritated by it, after all she knows nothing of my life or experiences, let alone her own country or even the history and politics of her own country.

Democracy ceased to exist the moment governments were instituted. We have representational governments, but we do not have any democratic governments in existence. Especially in the United States, where the vote of the Electoral College is what really matters, and even within the Electoral College, there is still not the idea of 'one man one vote', shows just how far from the idea of democracy the US actually is.

Perhaps my irritation goes back to the superiority complex that many US citizens wrongly hold. The belief that their nation is the greatest, and it is their nations role to save the world (boy does Hollywood have a lot to answer for), is the source for both their misplaced arrogance and ignorance.

That is not to say there are no well educated, balanced individuals with a reasoned world view from the United States, but just that they seem to be growing fewer in numbers.